Confessions of a lesbian married to a man. “I close my eyes and imagine having sex with a woman”. After more than 25 years of marriage, Amanda C. still claim to be happy with her husband, although confess that she have always liked women. “To feel happy, close my eyes and imagine having sex with a woman”, she confesses.
“My marriage was a torment, because I lack sexual desire. I’ve always been attracted to women, but never had the courage to accept it”, begins his confession Amanda C., who has been married for over 25 years and has a daughter 15 years. She knew as a teenager that has a different sexual identity, but did not have the courage to accept it. Amanda and told the whole experience blogsoubi.com, a blog dedicated to Brazilian bisexual people, ” the only place I knew I would not be rejected.”
All sexual experiences were still in her teens with men but were never satisfactory. “I thought that was the reason for lack of passion. At 16, I had a different relationship with a colleague. I was pleased we were always together, and it was a lot of affection between us, but we never touched. I felt the desire but I felt afraid, because in my mind, if you love a woman, you must have masculine, or I was always very feminine. I did not understand lesbian world“, says Amanda on her blog.
The marriage was one of convenience for it, not a gesture of love. “To feel happy, close my eyes and imagine having sex with a woman. I dream often they can experience and just looking at a woman realize that sex with her would be entirely satisfactory. My husband does not understand why not come to him and why I am not satisfied with our sexual relationship. we get along well in other respects. it is a wonderful husband and I feel guilty when I do not feel happy with it. But I have not the courage to confess these things ” she adds. Amanda thinks sometimes divorce, but fear of confrontation with the world, the family stopped her every time to do so.
“I wonder how long I could keep this secret. I feel good when I talk about it and take a load off your chest. Fear and criticism from family and society can lead a person to make this decision: to claim that is happy “, says Amanda.